They say it gets easier. That before I know it, she’ll be sleeping more. And we’ll be sleeping more. That we’ll be able to eat a meal at the same time without taking turns. That my heart won’t ache every time I hear her cry. That breastfeeding gets easier and I will feel like myself again.
I know that they can’t be lying to me, but when you’re in the thick of it, it feels endless.
The truth is, I will never feel like myself again – not the self I was. This little 8-pound lady has shaken up our world. She has taught me the true meaning of surrender. While she minds her own business and does what babies do, she has taught me that the only way to find my way to a place of sanity is to let go. I have no schedule or agenda except to give her what she needs – any time, night or day. And because I love her beyond measure, I do it. I now know what it means to be a mother.
So we’re on her rhythm now. We are riding the baby train. We follow her signs, her cries, her coos. We celebrate the tiny victories – like a visit from a friend, an outing to a coffee shop, a load of laundry completed. At the end of the day we look at each other, weary from lack of sleep and the gravity of it all, and congratulate each other on another day down. We did it. Go team.
And in between the feedings and the diaper changes and the tears (hers, mine, and ours), we take a deep breath. We look in her eyes and see ourselves. We hold her close as she starts to realize that we are her mommy and daddy. We are her world and she is ours.
This is living.
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"Celebrate the tiny victories." It's something that having a child teaches you in a way you never knew before. I treasure that gift from my son and I celebrate it for you and your new family. : )
This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read Darrah. So happy for you. Sending so much love–that it might sting a little when it hits ya!
BIG Hugs!
you say so well what so many of us have felt. thank you for sharing your beautiful heart and words.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and honest post. I don't know you, however, we are bonded by this thing called "motherhood". We all know what you are saying, for having been there you never forget. Your life is no longer your own, nor is your body. No one can exactly tell you that until you are a mother, then you know. It is the most important "job" in the world…..one that I thank God for still, even though my girls are 13 & 14. My girls and I have a bond that will never be broken. Congrats on your little one. May you continue to see the blessings, miracles and victories in each and every day.