one breath at a time {sadie rose’s birth story}

One month ago today, Sadie Rose came into the world and changed our lives forever.

I labored for over 15 hours without medication – just the in and out of my breath and the trust that my body and my baby already knew how to do what they were doing. As the sun rose over our hospital room, I shed tears for the first time. I wasn’t crying because of the pain. I was crying because it was all so beautiful. I was crying because this was the day we’d meet our daughter. I told Jason where the tears were coming from and we held each other as the next wave passed.

And then I closed my eyes again and returned to my breath, to counting to nine on the outbreath. Inhale…exhale (1)…inhale…exhale (2)…inhale…exhale (3)… My only job was to get to the next breath. I didn’t think about getting any further than that. This was how I coped with the seemingly insurmountable.

And then came the pain. After 15 hours of labor and an hour of pushing, I felt pain like I’d never felt before. Then came the warning signs. The red flags. The dipping heart rate. The doctors and the nurses and the urgency. The worried look in everyone’s eyes. The fear on my husband’s brave face.

Inhale…exhale (1)…inhale…exhale (2)…inhale…exhale (3)…

There was only one thing to do at that point. We had to get the baby out – and fast. We were in a race against time. As soon as I gave the go-ahead, the room turned into a scene out of the movies. Scrubs were handed to Jason. I was rolled toward the operating room. The entire way, I heard Jason’s comforting voice repeating over and over, “I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m right here.”

And he was.

Then – talk of general anesthesia. I would not be awake for my baby’s birth. Jason would not be in the room. I quickly requested that my husband be brought in as soon as the baby was born. A mask was placed over my nose and mouth.

Inhale…exhale (1)…inhale…exhale (2)…inhale…exhale (3)…

Then quiet.

I woke up and standing right in front of me were my husband and my daughter. With tears in his eyes, Jason said, “She’s here. She’s here.” Sadie was here and she was perfect. Her dainty mouth, her full head of hair, her wise eyes. She was here and she was ours.

They put her on my chest and through the mask, through the haze of anesthesia and life-changing adrenaline, I sang to her. I sang the song I’d been singing to my belly for months…

“Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.”

Inhale…exhale (1)…inhale…exhale (2)…inhale…exhale (3)…