little izzy, photographed in her mama’s arms just a few days ago
Impermanence becomes vivid in the present moment;
so do compassion and wonder and courage.
~ Pema Chodron
It’s been a tough week, to say the least. One week ago, we were flying back from New York, completely unaware of how quickly life would change. Within a few days of being home, our kitty, Isabelle, fell ill and passed away. It all happened so fast and unexpectedly. And like a kick in the gut, my companion of eleven years was gone.
We’re very sad here. We feel this loss so deeply. But peeking out of the shadows, we feel something else. You see, we learned a lot from that little pumpkin and she continues to teach us – perhaps even more so now that she’s gone.
Isabelle (a.k.a. “Mr. Munchy”, “Izzy-Shmiz”, “Munchy LaRoo”, “Uncle Munclestein”, and our latest nickname, “Sweet Pea McGee”) has been with me a long time. I got her in college and from there she travelled with me back and forth across the country as I figured out what to do with my life, as I jumped from job to job, as I fell in and out of love, as I wrestled with fears, and conquered dreams. She was there through it all, loving me unconditionally, telling me in her way that I was perfect just the way I was.
If only humans could live and love as purely as kitties (and other animals.) I’d like to give it a try.
As we sat in the waiting room several days ago – our emotions raw – knowing that Izzy’s life was hanging in the balance, my husband said to me, “This is what love looks like.” Love and life do not exclude pain and loss. THIS is what life is about. We can choose to resist pain and push it away, but if we allow ourselves to feel it, love and compassion grow deeper – for ourselves, for our loved ones, and even for complete strangers.
Beneath the surface of the pain of losing a family member, I’m feeling so many other emotions right now – gratitude, love, patience, understanding, compassion, hope – all emotions that I would not be feeling if I wasn’t allowing myself to feel the sadness. I am slowing down, appreciating my life, and realizing that the ONLY thing that’s important in life is to love and be loved.
And I have Sweet Pea McGee to thank for that.
{Listen :: The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell}
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This is beautiful, Darrah. Thank you, and thank Izzy.
Oh, this makes my heart crumble. So hard to let go of something that is so close to the heart. You are in my thoughts…
Thank you, Izzy, and thank you, Darrah, for having the love and courage to share with us.
What a beautiful post, Darrah, and a beautiful lesson from your relationship with Izzy. Peace in your grieving, O
So sorry to hear about your kitty. Sometimes it helps to do a ceremony of some kind, to honor your pet and give thanks. Times like these remind me of one of my favorite quotes from William Wordsworth… "That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."
Yes. That is EXACTLY it, Darrah. This is what love looks like.
After we lost Ernie three years ago (the first of three in that amount of time), I could barely believe that I was still breathing…and then I realized, Oh! I am still breathing…and Ernie would want it that way. I am still breathing and still loving and this is the way this ride is meant to be. The grief took on a Beauty that was astonishing to me.
Much peace to your little family, including Izzy who will always be with you.
(I am glad that there are other people who name their cats over and over and over and over…)
oh my, i am so sorry. last week our kitty (spike) went walk abouts and we heard some bad news that may or may not be about her. gosh, i don’t want for it to be her, but knowing would be better – at least then we would have closure.
thank you for being brave and sharing this post with us – a beautiful post. xo
This was just lovely. My dad is going through chemo and radiation treatments right now, and boy am I struggling with grief, impermanence, facing fear head on. Thank you for those beautiful words. They really helped. Thinking of you, your husband, and sweet, sweet Izzy. Peace and love to you.
You are so brave to allow yourself to feel grief like this and learn lessons from it. I really believe that our pets are angels sent here to teach us and love us and keep our hearts safe, even in memory.
Hugs to you. And good energy to your husband and to Izzy.
Thanks for all the lovely comments. It’s amazing how losing a loved one and grappling with tough questions can bring you closer to others – even people you’ve never met in "real" life. Thank you, bloggy family.