I’m putting all my eggs in one basket
I'm listening to the Ella Fitzgerald station on Pandora right now, about to spill some big truths about what's going on right now in my life, and "I'm Putting All My Eggs in One Basket" comes on.
The timing couldn't be more perfect.
You see, I'm at a crossroads. I wrote earlier this week all about the lessons I've learned in my first year of self-employment. But the learning hasn't stopped. The big decisions don't stop. In fact, they just got bigger.
Removing the Smoke and Mirrors (because what good do they do?)
This week, I was put to the test. I know I'm generally positive on my blog about life and business, but I'm not going to mince words. This week was hard. Amidst the quit-iversary celebration, I was offered a part-time job.
Six months ago, I would have instantly jumped to take the job. That was my natural instinct this week. "Of course, I should take the job," I thought. We need money. We are scraping by right now. I know many of you know what this is like. Every month is a bit of a leap of faith when both people in the house are self-employed. We don't always know if or when the money will come in. Luckily, Jason has been doing this for many years and his income is a little more dependable. But the truth of the life that we have chosen is that we constantly have to be three steps ahead so that we don't run out of money. Most of the time, we are five steps ahead.
The irony of our current situation is that both Jason and I have been working our tails off lately. We have been filled with inspiration and we're receiving feedback that tells us that we're on the right track. I feel it in my bones right now - we are ON. THE. VERGE. OF. SOMETHING. BIG. I just know it.
And that is why I made the decision to not take the job.
If I had taken the job, it would have come from a place of desperation and fear. But the bigger fear I had was that if I committed to this job, I would have less time to put into making Darrah Parker Photography a thriving, successful business. I have put too much time, heart, tears, joy into this to slow down the progress now. Not now! So despite our almost empty bank account and the unknown looming, I said no to the job.
The 3 C's (Courage, Commitment, and Creativity)
When I quit my job a year ago, I didn't have much to lose. I took it very seriously, but there was less weight to it. The year was a grand experiment. And guess what? The experiment worked! I have clients (happy ones, to boot), lots of students signed up for the Slice of Life Project (yeehaw!), and a zillion exciting plans for the future.
It was different this time around. When faced with the decision of taking this job or not, it felt like a bigger decision. It felt like a test, like I was being asked, "Are you really ready to step up and take your business to the next level? Are you ready to commit?"
And the answer was yes. In my heart, it was yes.
Putting All My Eggs In One Basket
At that point, I had to decide that if I was really going to do this, it was time to go all out. No more dilly-dallying. It's time to put my creative mojo to work and turn this situation around. I'm going all in.
"The biggest obstacles to our progress exist within our own lives in the form of cowardice and the tendency to give up. Breaking through these barriers will unleash a surging wave of change." ~ Daisaku Ikeda
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Oh, Darrah, YES. I'm so happy you had the courage to turn town the part-time job. I know all too well about the ickiness surrounding having to take a job when you want to be working for yourself. That's how I felt about nannying last year. It was only 20 hours a week but it just ATE MY LIFE. I suffered. My business was stagnant. It was TOUGH.
On the other hand, I'm not 100% self-employed now. I help Sarah Bray with her business – but that feels good to me. There's no icky feeling. I also know that I will never work full-time for someone else again (unless I do have to "give up" in order to keep a roof over my head).
You're doing so well! I wish I could afford Slice of Life but right now I just can't. (I just put every penny I had into buying a new car.) Maybe things will turn around before January – or maybe I'll just have to catch the train next time.
I believe in you and your beautiful spirit. Keep sweeping away those fear monsters. <3
darlinnnggg… this speaks straight to my soul and straight to the heart of what i'm working my ass off to sink into. i started writing a really long comment here, but i realize that i ought to just write a blog post myself. i'll offer this much: just yesterday i said yes to the offer to extend my part time job and take on more hours. the context is hefty, but the bottom line remains: i'm relegating my passion out of fear. ouch. it hurts my heart & soul to admit.
thanks for your daring persistence. it's powerful and it's inspiring. it will take you to every dream you can imagine. my heart is with you big time. and i'm totally broke but i'll put your crazy-awesome offerings out into the world. much love, sistah.
First time here reading your blog…hopped over from Kin over matter… what an awesome post it speaks volumes to me and I applauded you for your commitment to what you are doing… I know how hard be self employed can be I did it for 12 yrs before I stopped and became a SAHM…. Im now about to do it again … I could ahve got a job but if the passion is there to do something else then you have to follow your heart…..
And because you have touched me so much I am more than will to show you some love and spread the word….
keep the good work up …you work is awesome by the way.
You may be the bravest, most positive and faith driven person in our family. I'm so glad you are listening to your inner voice.
Hi Darrah, thank you for such an excellent blog post. I am in the process of setting up my own business, following the departure of my husband from our family. It is just me and our daughter supporting ourselves as he is focussed on where he is right now sadly. I am signed up to do your Slice of Life class which I am totally looking forward to, and have put a link up on my blog to your website. I will now go and link on FB and Twitter in an effort to try to help you out, just that little bit. If we all do a little bit, collectively it adds up to a lot. I wish you every success in your venture, and salute your bravery and commitment. I hope some of that rubs off on me. :0) Beverley
This is a really nice post. Congrats. Having been at design for 20 years, it is still a struggle to turn work down. It always feels scary and then, right after, very empowering. Your work is lovely, too.
It took me a while to figure out where you were located though. I finally found a reference to Seattle in your bio. I want you to get hired! Even if you travel, I'd add "Seattle area" somewhere in your post.
Best of luck!
I SO get this post. Working from a place of fear doesn't work (or feel good!) You are a beautiful brave soul and you are on the cusp of something big. I feel it too!!!